Let Your Love Increase

"I'm supposed to be on a plane right now," I wrote in my journal yesterday afternoon. 

"It's funny how just a few days ago I had so many conflicting emotions about leaving, and now that I'm here - sitting on my couch instead of a plane - all I want to do is go. Go with all my heart. All the fears I had and the reasons I didn't want to go now seem so irrelevant." 

It is interesting what changed it all. A terrorist attack and the loss of an amazing missionary who lived out Jesus' love and who has gained his victory. 

Funny how evil people think they are winning when they do absolutely stupid and senseless stuff like this, but what they have done is given Mike his ultimate reward and goal in life. "To live is Christ and to die is gain." Well done, Mike, good and faithful servant. 

In light of all this, I should be more afraid to go, but I'm actually less afraid. Something about tragedy, loss, and grief makes you think about eternal things and regather your perspective on what's really important, and it's not my own comfort or future. It's the fact that Jesus is coming soon, and we've got to get out there and fill a hate-filled world with the love of Jesus Christ. Like Mike did. 

Just a few days ago I was fighting conflicting emotions about going back to Burkina. I was still determined to go, but I was fighting fear and doubt. But now, after all this, I forgot what reasons I had come up with for not going. They don't matter anymore. 

Tears rolled down my face Sunday morning as we sang, "Lord, make us instruments of your peace. Where there is hatred, let your love increase." 

In the Bible class that followed, we studied parts of Ecclesiastes, which is a book dedicated to life's toughest questions. What's the meaning of life? How do we find happiness? Why do we see righteous people die by the hands of the wicked? Boy, I could relate to that last one. 

After all the questioning and wondering and cynicism of the previous chapters, you reach Ecclesiastes 8:17, and you breathe a sigh of relief. 

"Then I saw all that God has done." 

Then I saw all that God has done. The calling of the Ridderings to Burkina Faso. Their faithful witness and courage for the Lord. The love they showed to people - it was tireless, endless, faithful. The babies they rescued. All the orphans that call him Papa. The ones they adopted. The widows they loved and prayed for. The women they gave a home and a hope. The church they served. The honorable way he died - as a martyr on the soil of the people he loved. Her loving and faithful response that is reaching the world as a testimony for God. 

I saw all that God had done and all those questions didn't seem to matter as much because God is good and faithful. Though we don't understand his ways, he is sovereign and holy, and he takes good care of us. He always takes things like this and makes beauty from the ashes, and he will again. We just have to wait and see. And trust during the waiting. 

Because of Mike and for the glory of Jesus, may many more missionaries come and live and love as he did. Lord, make us instruments of your peace. Where there is hatred, let your love increase. Please use us to increase your amazing love.