See Something More

As I look back over this semester, I am overwhelmed when I think about how far I have come. Not only did I survive my first semester of nursing school, but I feel as though I have grown immensely in almost every aspect of my life. My experiences this semester have deepened my relationships, broadened my knowledge, and expanded my experiences. These past few months have tested my emotions, changed my thinking and attitudes, and influenced my behavior and worldview. Most of all, these elements combined have and strengthened my faith, fueled my passion, and grown my relationship with the Lord. When I think about all the difficult and yet wonderful things I have experienced this semester, I claim no merit or tribute whatsoever. I accept no praise or reward because   I know that there is only one person that made it possible, and it is to Him I give all the credit. Should one person be recognized and acclaimed, it is He. Only one deserves the honor, and He deserves every last drop of it.

I playfully snatched all the pillows off my bed then bounded into my sister's room to do the same. We robbed the couch of its cushions. We grabbed the blankets out of every closet's top shelf. And then we piled it all onto the dining room floor at the foot of the Christmas tree to create one giant pillow pallet. One of my favorite Christmas traditions is sleeping "under" the Christmas tree with my little sister. This tradition was cute when we were five and ten years old, but now that we are fifteen and twenty, it's just hilarious. But tradition none the less, we love to keep it year after year. Every morning we always argue about who was the bed hog and who stole the covers all night long and how neither of us got a good night sleep, but then we laugh really hard and do it again the next night. It is those sweet little moments that make coming home for Christmas extra special. I always look forward to sleeping under the Christmas tree with my 'lil sis, ba

"I finally have your papers graded and ready to give back to you," our teacher announced at the beginning of class, "the ones that you wrote about the stress and pain case study." "Oh..." one student sighed and moaned as she recieved her paper, "Stress and pain!" Our whole class laughed at the irony because she was not only referring to the topic of the paper, but to our reactions when we recieved our grades as well as the general emotion of nursing students around this time of year. It was the beginning of the week before finals, also known as "dead week." I think this is because nursing students are dead by the end of the week...just in time for finals. Yes, "stress" and "pain" are two words that every nursing student understands well from personal experience, especially these last two weeks of testing, clinical simulation, and finals. With four finals down and one to go, I sit down to write this blog in amazem

"I don't know for sure, but   I heard there might be a spot opening up on the spring break Nicaragua trip," my friend casually told me one afternoon. "What? You're kidding!" I replied. My mind flashed back to when I had been told that the trip and the waiting list were full. It took quite a while for me to become okay with the fact that I would not be able to go. And now, here a door opened once again. I got in touch with the campaign leader to place my name was on the waiting list. She said, "There is a spot open on the trip, but there is still one person on the waiting list ahead of you. If she decides not to go, I will give you a call." Sure enough, later that afternoon, I receieved a call confirming that I could go to Jinotega, Nicaragua, for spring break. In case you didn't already know, Jinotega, Nicaragua has a very special place in my heart. Therefore, I am overly excited that I get one more chance to see and serve my brothers,

It was just like any regular Monday morning. I was sleepily walking down the sidewalk at 7:58, late as usual for my 8:00 pharmacology class. Only it was also raining this morning, so I was carrying my little blue umbrella and listening to the sqeaking sound of my rainboots and the thump-thump-thump of the books in my backpack as I walked. Suddenly, I heard one loud thump as all my books spilled out of my backpack onto the wet sidewalk, which was becoming more and more like a river with the amount of pouring rain. Man, I forgot to zip my backpack! Dumb! I said to myself as I tried to pick up the binders while holding onto my umbrella. That wasn't working, so I set the umbrella down (in the pouring rain, mind you) and hurried to pick up my collection of binders. In the process, my scholarship application blew out and landed in a puddle. After scrambling to pick it up, I eventually collected myself, re-grouped, and continued walking down the sidewalk. Just in time, a car drove b

Thursday night, a several girls sat in a circle in a lamp-lit room. We gathered to encourage one another through song and sharing. A few girls had prepared their testimonies in advance and opened up before the group to talk about how God has been working in their lives. In between testimonies, we sang and worshipped together. No lesson was given and no sermon preached, but I left that devotional knowing God more. The Bible is full of stories, from Adam to Noah and Gideon and Nehemiah and Mary and Paul. Although each story is about a person, the main character is always the Lord. The stories are really about Him because He is the one writing the stories in the first place. He is the center of the stories. Just like we learn about God from the stories in the Bible, so we learn about God from the stories that God is still writing - the stories of our lives. The stories that were shared Thursday night beautifully reflected the greatness of God. Yes, the stories were about humans, but G

Standing on my tip-toes and peering through the peep hole, I waited excitedly as I watched for my dad to come around the corner and walk down the sidewalk with the christmas tree. After he brings it through the front door and sets it in its designated spot, we step back and take a look. Eleven months of sitting in the attic plus a trecherous journey down the attic stairs and through the front door does a bit of damage to that poor tree, and it dosn't help that the tree has made that journey approximately twenty-nine times over the years. My parents have had that tree since they were newly wed, and when it first comes down from the attic, it looks the part. Similar to the Charlie Brown Christmas tree, our little scruffy tree looks a little lacking when I see it for the first time each Christmas. But then we turn on the Christmas music, unstring the lights, and unpack the ornaments. "Awww...here are all my Halmark puppy ornaments!" I exclaim as I hang them on the tree in

$100 down. $4400 to go. I debated whether or not I should embark on this trip to Tanzania, Africa, but when I put down that $100 deposit, it was a done deal. $100 is not really very much in the grand scheme of things, but it does signify that I am committing to the trip. It seals the promise that more money will be collected later. That's what a deposit does. It confirms that there is more to come. I like the Bible's definition of a deposit: something that "guarantees what is to come." A deposit is just a small portion of a grand total. A deposit says, "There's more to come." When the Bible talks about this deposit, it is actually speaking about the Holy Spirit. 2 Corinthians 1:22 says that God "put his Spirit in our hearts as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come." Isn't it amazing that God has a spirit? I believe that I have a spirit and you have a spirit - it's that innermost part of you that no one else can really understand

A room full of laughter. A closet full of warm colorful sweaters and scarves. Hot apple cider and chocolate chip cookies on a cold evening. Sitting in the living room with my whole family as we watch our favorite show. Catching up with friends over a cup of frozen yogurt. The sound of melody and harmony blending in my favorite songs. Every year at Thanksgiving, I make a list of things that I am thankful for. That seems to be a pretty common tradition this time of year, but this season, I am beginning to see Thanksgiving as something much more than a day out of the year when I list my favorite things.  Thanksgiving is not really a time to remind us to be thankful for all the things we have forgotten to be thankful for. Thanksgiving is a time to remind us to reorient our entire lives on the attitude of thankfulness. In the Jesus Calling devotional for November 20, I read these words from the heart of Jesus: "Your responsibility is to be receptive to this unconditional love. Than

"That which was from the beginning, which we have heard, which we have seen with our eyes, which have looked at and our hands have touched..." I began to read softly aloud. "...This we proclaim concerning the Word of life." For the next ten minutes or so, we went around the room, reading aloud from the book of 1 John from start to finish. We do a lot of talking about the Word of God, but we don't often do very much listening. So this evening (in our weekly friend-gathering/devotional time) we decided to read the entire book of 1 John from start to finish together and listen to God's words instead of our own. What we found was a beautiful message of love. "But if anyone obeys his word, God's love is truly made complete in him." "Whoever loves his brother lives in light." "How great is the love the father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God." "This is how we know what love is: Jesus Ch

Let me tell you about the nursing students' event of the week: colostomy bags. I didn't even know what an ostomy was until this semester, so for those of you who may not understand colostomies, allow me to explain briefly. A colostomy is a surgical procedure performed to re-route the bowels. A section of the colon is actually brought to the outside of the body and covered in a bag. Therefore, instead of waste coming out where it normally comes out, it comes out of a hole in the abdomen and enters the bag. Our proffesors decided that as a class of nursing students, we not only needed to learn about colostomies, but also needed to experience them. In order to provide the best care for our patients, we needed to understand the physical, emotional, and social implications that the procedure can have on a patient. So instead of just reviewing a powerpoint, we actually applied colostomy bags to each other in class and then wore them for the week. So this week I have worn a colo

Have you ever called a particular person only to be caught off guard when someone else answers the phone? Sometimes, it only takes that one word - "Hello?" - for you to know that you are not talking to the person you thought you were talking to. It doesn't take much for you to realize that you don't recognize that voice. Or consider it the other way around. Have you ever walked into a room knowing who was in there before you even saw the faces? That certain voice or laugh was familiar enough that you knew who was present before you even entered the room. The other day, I heard my roommate talking on skype. Without looking, I yelled, "Hi, Amber!" across the suite, recognizing my friend on the other end of line by the sound of her voice. Or the other night, I was sitting in our living room studying with my suitemates when we heard footsteps in the hallway accompanied by a loud burst of laughter. "Ann is home!" my suitemate broke the silence in

Enter the gymnasium on campus for the all-club gathering during club week, and you won't know what you've gotten yourself into. You will find yourself surrounded by screaming college students chanting their club cheers while dressed up in colorful costumes and willing to do anything - no matter how ridiculous - for the sake of their club. Every club is represented at the all-club devo, but there is still a spirit of unity as everyone comes together in one place for an evening of enthusiasm and fun. You can feel the energy and taste the excitement. It really is quite a crazy sight, but I must admit that I enjoy every minute of it! At the end of this year's club week, I cannot help but reflect on all the activities and see something more . As a student pledging last year, I wrote about that experience in a previous blog post here . I also wrote about club week as a freshman  here . It seems appropriate that I also record a few more reflections from this year now that I am a

It had been a rough day. It was one of those days that I didn't know how to answer people when they asked me how I was doing. Part of me wanted to be honest and spill all my woes...but part of me wanted to just say I'm fine and let the world move on. The truth is that I was feeling very bitter toward nursing school. Sometimes, it feels like the busyness and work load has swept me away from campus life and locked me in the library and nursing lab. At the beginning of the semester, I was all "gung-ho" about everything, but as the weeks have worn on, I have lost motivation and energy. I have become tired - maybe even exhausted. I felt like I had been robbed of sleep, energy, free time, and even joy. I was stuck in a rut - in a funk - and I was finding it difficult to snap out of it. So I went to Bible study that Wednesday night, hoping for some encouragement. As soon as I walked into the room, the warm scent of fall filled the air. I took a deep breath and instantly

Bundled up in our scarves and hats, my friends and I ventured into the chilly fall night, eagerly excited about the school-wide bonfire in celebration of homecoming weekend. When we saw the smoke rising high into the sky and caught a glimpse of 20-ft flames that seemed to consume half of the soccer field, we gasped with amazement and possibly slight fright. It was certainly the biggest bonfire I have ever seen! It was so huge that I just had to ask, "How are they containing that thing?" Once we got closer, we could see that the bonfire was confined in a ditch that runs along the soccer fields. There was no need for our hats and scarves because the warmth from that giant fire could be felt from fifty feet away. I love the sight of dancing flames, the smell of burning wood, and the atmosphere of excitement that comes with a big bonfire on a cool evening. It reminded me of a Scripture found in Habakkuk 3:2. "Lord, I have heard of your fame; I stand in awe of your d

"I will not cause pain without allowing something new to be born." (Isaiah 66:9) The lungs take their first breath, accompanied by a victorious cry. The newborn chest moves up and down with the beat of a young heart. The hands are the smallest things you have ever seen. The delicate fingers curl tightly around your finger when you place it in their warm palm. The feet are so little, with tiny creases that create the most perfect footprint. Wrapped up in a blanket, the little bundle feels light and delicate, yet as weighty as the world's most precious treasure. The passage into the new world is a traumatic one, passing from darkness into light... from warmth into wind, from water into air, from tight enclosure into wide open space, from comfort into vulnerability, from seclusion into embrace. This baby is truly a miracle. He is a testimony to the handiwork of the Creator God. And this baby is like me; he is like you...even at this very moment. We may

"He leadeth me, O blessed thought..." The auditorium resonated with joyful singing at the Global Missions Conference in Ft. Worth this weekend. This room, filled with people of all ages with an interest in mission work, burst into an even more robust melody as we began the chorus. "He leadeth me, He leadeth me, by His own hand He leadeth me. His faithful follower I will be for by His hand He leadeth me." I have never heard that song sung so enthusiastically, nor have I ever sung it so wholeheartedly. To know that every person singing it actually meant every word made it even more beautiful. As I looked around the room at former missionaries, current missionaries, families about to go into the field, and fellow college students interested in mission work, I felt the Spirit of the Lord and His encouragement as every heart committed to following God's leading. Everything about the conference was wonderful, including the classes, keynote speakers, and exh

I had never seen a sunflower in real life, only in magazines, paintings, and on television. I knew they were big and beautiful, but my first experience with seeing one was unlike anything I will probably ever experience again. Not only did I see a sunflower, I was surrounded by a sea of smiling sunflower faces. And not only was that sunflower field standing tall and proud in the sunlight, but it was also densely populated with many delicate, broad-winged monarch butterflies. As I wandered through this sunflower field, I met bright blooms at eye-level everywhere I looked. Dozens of butterflies danced in the breeze and fluttered from flower to flower. They slowly and softly opened and closed their wings, revealing their dainty markings that looked as if they were painted with a fine brush by the very finger of God. I could hardly believe where I was standing. "I am surrounded by butterflies!" I yelled across the field. It was like I was in a butterfly exhibit, only there

At 7:45 PM, after my clinical final simulation for nursing was finally complete, I walked into my dorm in my white nursing scrubs to find our tiny living room decorated with balloons and streamers. "Surprise!" my friends yelled as I walked through the door. This simulation cost me hours of studying and high levels of stress, so I had commented earlier in the week, "Tuesday night after this is all over, I am throwing a party for myself." But I didn't have to. My sweet friends remembered and threw one for me. They cooked a hot meal of baked ziti with toasted bread, but that's not all. Every one of my special friends gathered after dinner for a special surprise. "Close your eyes and don't peek," Chelsea told me. She then instructed me to hold out my hand and take the fork she was handing me. Getting a fork in your mouth and taking a bite of an unknown substance with your eyes closed is harder than you might imagine, which brought great amuseme

We laughed a little, we cried a lot, and we left the movie theatre refreshed and inspired. "That was the best $7.25 I have spent in a long time," my suitemate announced as we walked to the car after viewing  Courageous . Check out the trailor here: This is certainly no low-budget, poor-acting, cheesy-Christianity movie. This film is entertaining, inspiring, full of truth, Spirit-guided, and potentially life-changing. I walked away saying to myself, this is what a movie is supposed to be like. This movie had meaning. I am not a movie critic, and this is not a movie-review blog, but seeing this film today made me think a little harder. It made me see something more. I want my life to have meaning and purpose. I want everything I say and do each day to make a difference. So if this is really my desire, then I will spend my energy doing things that matter, and I will choose activities that have meaning and purpose as well. In this way, every decision I made becomes signif

I really don't know if I can do this. As I left the classroom and walked back to the dorm after a long day of classes from 8:00-5:30, I felt absolutely overwhelmed. It didn't help that my last class, a post-conference for my acute clinical rotation, had just dropped the bomb by informing me of all the details involved in my final exam and simulation next week. It finished my day with a bang...no pun intended. I just don't know if I can do this. I don't have the time...or the energy...or even the intelligence... For nursing majors, clinical finals and simulations are a big deal. You use critical thinking to find problems, come up with solutions, and implement them using practical skills. No study guide except your textbook, class notes, clinical experience, and the entire library and world wide web. You have to be ready for anything. Not to mention that it is all completed under the eyes of your professors, who ask you questions throughout the whole process. Needle

"Welcome to Chang Cheng." Our guide invited us to tour the stilted bamboo huts, peek inside the latrine, and experience a small piece of Asian culture. "This represents poverty in Asia." As our health care missions class explored the global village at HUT (Harding University at Tahkodah), we traveled to Africa, City Soleil (a Haitian slum), Stinkin' Creek (rural North American poverty) and Huehuetenango (a Guatemalan house) to see what traditional dwelling places might look like. We soon arrived at El Municipal, which representated an international government building. As soon as we stepped inside, a flood of memories rushed into my head. When I traveled to San Andres on the Rio Coco River in Nicaragua this summer, we stayed in a government building - one that looked remarkably similar to the one in which I stood in this moment. The dusty floors, cobwebs, and bunkbeds shoved in the corners reminded me so much of where I spend one of the most memorable weeks

"What's an EKG?" my sister asked when I told my family that I had learned how to read EKG strips in class yesterday. "You know, its like that screen that shows your heart rate and rhythm." I used my hand to demonstrate the up and down motion that the line makes as it darts across the screen. To be honest, I was absolutely fascinated when our professor explained to the class the meaning of the waves on the EKG strips. I knew nothing beforehand, so I was amazed at the explanation and interpretation of that one simple line. That little dancing line represents the vastly intricate construction of the human heart, including all it's electrical impulses caused by the movement of ions across cell membranes. It involves nodes, conduction, contractions, and timing. It represents the delicate organization and mechanisms of perhaps the most amazing thing God created: the beating human heart. It has been a while since I thought deeply about the heart and how it

How can I keep from singing your praise? How can I ever say enough? How amazing is your love! As I sang these words by Chris Tomlin tonight, they had a little more meaning than they normally do.  Nursing school is keeping me so busy that I have a much smaller amount of time than I normally have to devote to personal devotion and spiritual disciplines. I am still enjoying moments of "quiet time" daily, but it seems like so little compared to the extended amounts of time that I had during the summer when my schedule was much less full. But God, in His mercy and love, has recognized my hectic schedule. He realizes that I desire to grow spiritually in spite of my crazy life right now, so He has generously given me a little gift to help me along the way: spiritual conversations. I may not have hours upon hours to spend with Him every day, but He knows that, and so He sweetly fills my day with His presence through things as simple as spiritual conversation. I can't coun

Slipping on my ankle-length skirt and hanging my stethoscope proudly around my neck, I took a quick glance in the mirror before heading out the door. I was going to my club's mixer, which is a social event where girls who are interested in joining our club mix and mingle with the girls who are already members. The theme of this mixer was "when I grow up", and of course every girl was creatively dressed up for the occasion. We had rockstars, princesses, movie stars, and superheros. We had teachers, pro athletes, a farmer, and pregnant women. When people asked me what I wanted to be when I grow up, I curtsied in my long foreign-looking skirt and enthusiastically stated that I am going to be a missionary nurse. Even since I was really young, I have always answered the question, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" by saying that I wanted to be a missionary. By the time I was in highschool, I was able to add to that answer that I also wanted to be a nurs

After a three-mile jog around campus in a pair of hot running shoes, my feet knew just where they wanted to go. On this beautiful Saturday morning, I could smell the beginning of fall in the crisp air as my tired feet walked over to the fountain in the center of campus. I pulled off my socks and gently soaked my feet in the cool water. In no time at all, the sock impressions and redness faded away and my feet became cool and relaxed. Somehow, that simple act refreshed my whole body, and I breathed in deeply and soaked up the warm sun on my face. I smiled to myself and almost felt silly at how much I was enjoying this. Oh, the simple joy of soaking my tired feet in the fountain. It's more than just our feet that get tired. We face busyness and stress that put wear and tear on our entire selves. We battle struggles and temptations that take their toll on our bodies and souls until we feel exhausted. Then there are illnesses, complications, decisions. We just need a fountain filled

As soon as I heard that the Harding nursing program takes a group of students to Tanzania, Africa, on a summer medical mission trip, I planned to be the first one on the plane. Me, being the planner that I am, decided to make this trip the summer after my junior year of college. Mark it down. Put it on the calendar. Set the alarm. I had this all planned out literally years in advance, before I even started college. Now that the time is actually here, I attended an informational meeting a couple of weeks ago where I learned that I had approximately two weeks to turn in my application and $100 deposit. Suddenly, I only had 14 days to make a huge decision. I had previously been confident about making this decision. After all, I had been planning to do this since way back when, right? But suddenly, I became unsure. I kept thinking to myself,  this is a big time commitment...and it costs a lot of money...and going to Africa this summer means not going back to Nicaragua, which creates a so

I like to write on my blog at least twice a week, but I have discovered that nursing school is an 8:00 AM - 12:00 AM job, and by the time 12:30 AM rolls around, I am quite ready to crawl into bed and sleep. This is the first time this week that I have had enough time to sit down, breathe, and write, so I apologize that I will not be posting as often as I would like to this semester. Still, I want to share with you what has been on my heart. This weekend, we had a spiritual retreat for my social club that was centered on worship. The theme was "come away with me", which is taken from the Song of Solomon. This unusual book of the Bible can be read as the romantic love story of a husband and wife, but it can also be read as the romantic love story between God and us. Our God is a romantic God. He loves us desperately and desires an intimate personal relationship with us. God created the love between a husband and wife to help us understand the kind of love that He has for us

Standing at the edge, the water looks a long way down. Something deep in my gut whispers, "Don't do it. Don't jump." My heart pounds a little faster and my breaths come quicker. It is crazy thing to jump off a cliff, no matter what the surrounding circumstances may be. So I stand there, peering over the edge, trying to hold my balance while convincing myself to take the step and jump. Here I am, looking at my life, contemplating the road ahead. There are battles to fight, changes to face, and decisions to make. It feels unnatural, even dangerous to be in this place. I don't know what lies ahead. So I stand there, peering over the edge, trying to hold my balance while convincing myself to take the step and jump. I wonder if I should creep up to the edge, hold my breath, and calmly step over the edge. Or maybe I should step away from the ledge and then take a running leap without even thinking about it. Should I be cautious or crazy? Looking at this life, I wo

"So...I want to know." She turned around from where she was sitting in the passenger seat and looked back at me. "When did you fall in love with Jesus?" I wasn't expecting that question, but I was delightfully surprised that she asked. I smiled and began to think as I looked out the window of the backseat. "Well, it is hard to pinpoint the exact date. I guess you could say the first time I really loved Him was when I gave my heart to Him when I was eleven years old. But that was really just the beginning." I paused for a moment as my mind went through all the spiritual milemarkers of my life. "Then there was junior high when I began to read my Bible every day and develop a faith of my own. But it wasn't until high school when I had an eating disorder that I really discovered an intimate person relationship with Him. No, that's really when I fell in love. But actually, now that I think about it, I just thought I was in love. It was