The Call to Wait
Being back home in the States is like jumping under a waterfall of emotion. Part of me feels the most intense joy that I have ever known- a joy that comes from seeing, experiencing, and coming to know God's love in more of its fullness. This past month has been jam-packed full of life-changing experiences and divine revelations. I have seen God work in amazing and beautiful ways, which has expanded my view of who He is. I have seen the expanse and vastness of His love, which reaches far into the wilderness of Nicaragua and far into the depths of human hearts. Most of all, I have witnessed the power that His love has when it is given away freely. When His love spills over, it can truly change the world.
So I can say with confidence that I have come to know God more. I am amazed at His love for me, for He loves me enough to allow me to see Him vividly and join Him in His kingdom mission.
I have heard His calling on my life to mission work, and I am filled with a burning passion and excitement that comes from knowing that God has works that He has prepared in advance for me to do (Ephesians 2:10). Last summer, after nine weeks in Nicaragua, God confirmed to me that mission work was definitely something I wanted to do. At the end of this summer, though, He has confirmed that mission work is something He wants me to do.
As a result, I am more in love with Him than ever before.
Through His Word, spiritual conversations, and experiences this month, God has revealed to me that foreign missionary work is my calling. Why else would He give me such an intense joy and satisfaction when I am on the field? Why would he place such a love for these people in my heart? Why do I feel like I come alive, like I am "in my element", like I am doing what I was created to do and being who I am created to be? Through these powerful emotions that cause my heart to throb and my eyes to fill with tears, I know that God is calling me out. When and where and how it will all happen is up to Him, but I believe He will let me know. And when He gives the word, I will go. God is pretty consistent in working in my life on a last-minute basis - that way I learn to trust and depend on Him instead of my own planning and timing. So I have a feeling He may call me out when I feel least prepared or most unsuspecting, but that's the beauty of being surprised by the Lord. And I'm okay with that; in fact, I am excited to see how it all plays out. I love being in the place where I have no idea what God is doing, but I know it is going to be good.
So part of me, upon returning to the States, remains in joyful awe of everything that I have come to know and experience with the Lord. Yet at the same time, part of me experiences a deep sadness and longing. In a sense, I get homesick for my Nicaraguan family. I leave a bigger piece of my heart there every time. When I leave Nicaragua, it is more than just leaving a people and a place that I love. I almost feel as if I am leaving something that God has called me to do, like I am walking away from a mission He has for my life. As tears rolled down my face on the plane ride home, I asked myself, what now? The hardest part about going back home is readjusting to the American lifestyle, which is more foreign to me than any culture. Sometimes I feel like I just don't belong here, so I wonder, Lord, what is your purpose for me being here (at home) when I feel so called to be there (in Nicaragua)?
I pulled out the book that I packed to keep me occupied on the plane. I have been reading Satisfy My Thirsty Soul by Linda Dillow all summer. As I opened to the next chapter, I thought maybe some reading would distract my thoughts and keep me from crying anymore. However, the words were so fitting and needed by my aching heart that I ended up crying even more! This time, though, they were tears of joy as God spoke to me and whispered exactly what I needed to hear.
The chapter, titled "I Bow My Times of Waiting", told of how God's timing is often slow and deliberate. He calls us to wait on Him, to rest in His agenda, to expectantly watch while patiently waiting for Him. "Wait for the Lord! Be strong and let your heart take courage; yes, wait for the Lord." (Psalm 27:14)
One sentence jumped off the page at me: God says, "[Ashli], your assignment is to wait. Are you up to the task?"
I used to think that waiting was an in-between stage, not a task. I never thought of it as an intentional calling. Just like God has called me to mission work, He has also called me to wait for now. If I wait, I am actually obeying Him, fulfilling His purpose for me, and glorifying Him in the process. Yes, I want to go where God tells me to go, and I want to go as soon as he waves the flag, but right now His calling on my life is to wait. That's what I do when I go back to the States - I wait on God. And I worship while I'm waiting; I serve Him while I'm waiting.
So now I claim in with joyful expectation and quiet patience, "My times are in your hands." (Psalm 31:15)
This life-changing summer has filled me with such awe, wonder, and amazement at God that I am filled to the brim. I can't stop pondering Him and marveling at His loving character and powerful works on behalf of mankind. Plus, to know that He has a calling on my little life fills me to the point of overflowing or bursting with joy and love for Him.
To Him belongs
all praise,
all power,
all honor,
all adoration,
and all glory
forever and ever.
So I can say with confidence that I have come to know God more. I am amazed at His love for me, for He loves me enough to allow me to see Him vividly and join Him in His kingdom mission.
I have heard His calling on my life to mission work, and I am filled with a burning passion and excitement that comes from knowing that God has works that He has prepared in advance for me to do (Ephesians 2:10). Last summer, after nine weeks in Nicaragua, God confirmed to me that mission work was definitely something I wanted to do. At the end of this summer, though, He has confirmed that mission work is something He wants me to do.
As a result, I am more in love with Him than ever before.
Through His Word, spiritual conversations, and experiences this month, God has revealed to me that foreign missionary work is my calling. Why else would He give me such an intense joy and satisfaction when I am on the field? Why would he place such a love for these people in my heart? Why do I feel like I come alive, like I am "in my element", like I am doing what I was created to do and being who I am created to be? Through these powerful emotions that cause my heart to throb and my eyes to fill with tears, I know that God is calling me out. When and where and how it will all happen is up to Him, but I believe He will let me know. And when He gives the word, I will go. God is pretty consistent in working in my life on a last-minute basis - that way I learn to trust and depend on Him instead of my own planning and timing. So I have a feeling He may call me out when I feel least prepared or most unsuspecting, but that's the beauty of being surprised by the Lord. And I'm okay with that; in fact, I am excited to see how it all plays out. I love being in the place where I have no idea what God is doing, but I know it is going to be good.
So part of me, upon returning to the States, remains in joyful awe of everything that I have come to know and experience with the Lord. Yet at the same time, part of me experiences a deep sadness and longing. In a sense, I get homesick for my Nicaraguan family. I leave a bigger piece of my heart there every time. When I leave Nicaragua, it is more than just leaving a people and a place that I love. I almost feel as if I am leaving something that God has called me to do, like I am walking away from a mission He has for my life. As tears rolled down my face on the plane ride home, I asked myself, what now? The hardest part about going back home is readjusting to the American lifestyle, which is more foreign to me than any culture. Sometimes I feel like I just don't belong here, so I wonder, Lord, what is your purpose for me being here (at home) when I feel so called to be there (in Nicaragua)?
I pulled out the book that I packed to keep me occupied on the plane. I have been reading Satisfy My Thirsty Soul by Linda Dillow all summer. As I opened to the next chapter, I thought maybe some reading would distract my thoughts and keep me from crying anymore. However, the words were so fitting and needed by my aching heart that I ended up crying even more! This time, though, they were tears of joy as God spoke to me and whispered exactly what I needed to hear.
The chapter, titled "I Bow My Times of Waiting", told of how God's timing is often slow and deliberate. He calls us to wait on Him, to rest in His agenda, to expectantly watch while patiently waiting for Him. "Wait for the Lord! Be strong and let your heart take courage; yes, wait for the Lord." (Psalm 27:14)
One sentence jumped off the page at me: God says, "[Ashli], your assignment is to wait. Are you up to the task?"
I used to think that waiting was an in-between stage, not a task. I never thought of it as an intentional calling. Just like God has called me to mission work, He has also called me to wait for now. If I wait, I am actually obeying Him, fulfilling His purpose for me, and glorifying Him in the process. Yes, I want to go where God tells me to go, and I want to go as soon as he waves the flag, but right now His calling on my life is to wait. That's what I do when I go back to the States - I wait on God. And I worship while I'm waiting; I serve Him while I'm waiting.
So now I claim in with joyful expectation and quiet patience, "My times are in your hands." (Psalm 31:15)
This life-changing summer has filled me with such awe, wonder, and amazement at God that I am filled to the brim. I can't stop pondering Him and marveling at His loving character and powerful works on behalf of mankind. Plus, to know that He has a calling on my little life fills me to the point of overflowing or bursting with joy and love for Him.
To Him belongs
all praise,
all power,
all honor,
all adoration,
and all glory
forever and ever.
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