Conclusion

It’s a nervous feeling in my gut, like a rush of adrenaline, like a glimmer of anticipation. I’m on the brink of a big decision; I know it. And as excited as I am to see it, I can already tell it’s going to be more pale than I originally thought. Not less good. No, the decision will be just as good as I was hoping for. But it has paled in the light of the glory of the face of God through Jesus Christ. 

In this past year, through struggling and stressing, though figuring and agonizing, through seeking and searching, through listening and hearing, and through fasting and prayer, I have been with God. And that’s better than making a decision. 

I’ve learned to spend time with him not for a plan, but for his presence. 

Intimacy with him is better than an itinerary from him.

So even though I’m on the brink of the decision, the decision is already made. I will love him forever, I will obey him always. I have decided that my purpose is to be his servant, love his people, and make disciples wherever I go, even if I stay right here. I have decided that my destination and my direction are him. I have decided that I am a dead, buried seed. 

So why would I fear the future? 

For your goodness and love pursue me all the days of my life.

Then afterward, when my life is through, 

I’ll return to your glorious presence to be forever with you!

Psalm 23:6 (Passion translation)