Good Goodbyes

No one prepared me for this. It's the one "what you should know before you go" that no one ever told me. 

I remember feeling it the first time when I had only been in the country for six months. A group of interns came for two months, and then left. I had poured into them, and apparently loved them well enough that it hurt when they left. Then, missionary friends left. The people that welcomed me to Burkina Faso left. My family came and then left. My friends came and left. People that I knew were only staying for two years came and left. Others who I thought would stay forever left. Even missionaries who aren't leaving for good leave to go on home assignment for several months or a year. 

No one prepared me for how many times I would have to say goodbye. 

Missionary life is very fluid, transient, changing. It is constant movement of meeting people, working with them heavily and intensely for a short period of time, and then going separate ways. God is always moving his people around, and I think missionaries see and experience this more than any other group of people. 

And it's painful. Because you experience just enough of life together to really come to love the people you meet and sincerely care about them, just in time to say goodbye. Sometimes I think that missionary life is like summer camp  - you know, when you become best friends with a person in one short week and know you will be friends for life because you experienced summer camp together. Missionary life is like that only on steroids. You grow close to people so fast and the relationships really matter because of shared vision, purpose, joys, and burdens. The intensity of ministry combined with the passion of the gospel makes relationships happen quicker and deeper than normal. 

Missionary life is also like a revolving door of people constantly coming and going, only with the times being as they are and security being heightened, it seems like everyone is going and no one is coming. 

I've been reminded of this recently with the unexpected early departure of a dear friend and teammate, and all the goodbyes I've ever said met me at the airport that night when I dropped her off. And I felt it, that pit in my stomach. Loneliness. 

People told me as a single going into the mission field that loneliness would be a struggle. I kind of believed them, but not really. Now I understand. I'm not lonely in the traditional sense of being lonely, rather loneliness is the pain of having to say so many goodbyes to people that you have loved and shared life with in all its intense highs and lows. 

What do you do with this loneliness? I'm no expert for sure, but the Lord has been my counselor through some times of aloneness. For those of you who have served, are serving, or will serve on the mission field and experience this specific type of loneliness personally, this is for you from someone who knows how you feel. 

• Remember you are not alone. This is entirely cliché, but it has to be the foundation. Satan plays with lies in our heads, and this is a big one and possibly the one we accept most easily. However, we learn pretty quickly on the mission field that as others come and go, the Lord never ever does. And his presence (not the presence of any human) is what truly satisfies. Often, in the wake of a dear friend's departure, when I feel like I've been left again, I sense the Lord whispering, "Look at me. I'm still here." Loneliness strengthens and depends our dependence on Jesus, our love and trust in him, and our closeness to him. 
• Silence and solitude are two very important spiritual disciplines, ones which loneliness cultivates in our God-hungry hearts. Instead of dwelling in loneliness, use the time in solitude and silence to hear from God and drawn near to him. 
• Depend on others when you feel lonely or alone, especially locals. Missionaries have the freedom to come and go as they please, but the locals often do not have this freedom. When others leave and you don't, you can relate to them on a whole new level. And they will be honored that you confide in them, that you need them and want them when you feel lonely. 
• Remember that Jesus knew loneliness and abandonment. He was left by his disciples in the darkest hour of his life, and our sacrifice is nothing compared to his. Therefore, consider it a blessing to share in very this small suffering. 
• Sometimes loneliness can be viewed as a sacrifice, but it can be one that is offered in joy, for He is worthy of our loneliness. Other times, loneliness can be viewed as a gift, and I often prefer to see it this way. It is not something that God has taken away from you but rather has given to you for a season as something to be used for his glory. 
• Focus on the positives instead of the negatives, such as remembering with gratitude the time that you did have with certain people here on this earth instead of being overly sad about their departure. It's better to have known and loved and hurt from it than to never have loved at all.
• Goodbyes increase our longing for heaven. It reminds us that we weren't made for this world and that we aren't home yet. And really, there are no goodbyes in the kingdom of Jesus, only see-you-laters! 
• Feeling lonely gives you compassion for others who are feeling lonely, and it makes you want to alleviate their loneliness. Love other lonely people. In this way, you are encouraging others with the encouragement you have received from God. 
• Surrender loneliness to him to use and transform into good. Be openhanded before him to receive whatever he wants to give and to give all that he is worthy to receive. 

The fact that separation and goodbyes hurt testifies to the fact that we have loved well. It's worth it. No one prepared me for it, but maybe that's because you can't be entirely ready for it. It's one of those things that you live and learn as you experience life and love people well. One of these days, people will be saying goodbye to me and I will say see you later to all the people I love in Burkina Faso. Although thinking about that day fills me with sadness, my joy will be amplified a thousand times greater when I see all these people in heaven and we have eternity to spend together in service and worship to God, where there will be no more goodbyes.