Unstealable Joy

It was one of those days when it felt like nothing was working. 

I had made an appointment with the most specialized eye doctor in the entire country to present to him one of the medical cases I have been helping with. He was my last hope that something could be done, but when I explained the situation, he literally said, "There is no hope. Nothing can be done." 

I had another appointment regarding another medical case and found out that the patient needs a $1000 surgery that I can't afford. 

I received news of a woman that I had sent to a nearby city for a medical intervention, and learned that she had been sitting outside the hospital for three days just waiting for a doctor to see her. 

I felt like I was trying so hard to be a nurse and help these people, but I had nothing to show for it except bad news. I missed being a competent nurse in my labor and delivery days, when I knew how how to help people and they trusted me to do it. Here, on this day, I felt like I didn't know how to do anything and I had to refer everyone to someone else. And then when I referred them, they got neglected or mistreated, and it just seemed like everything was out of my hands and out of control. 

Then, on top of it all, I made a mistake with transferring ministry money that put me in a slight financial crisis, to put it kindly. That was the last straw. 

Plus there is the fact that it's 110 degrees day after day and there is hardly a way to escape the heat. It's still 98 degrees in my bedroom when I lay down at midnight. I go to sleep sweating, take multiple showers in the middle of the night, and wake up sweating still. I can drink 3 liters of water a day and still not pee. Staying hydrated and happy is hard enough, but when it's added on top of daily stressors, it takes a toll. 

It was just one of those terrible, horrible, no good, very bad days. But the problem was that things had been growing and growling within me for a couple of weeks, and then it all came crumbling down at once. 

You know how those bad days go: soon everything dramatically escalates at a rapid speed and all of the sudden I'm questioning my calling, wondering what I'm doing here and if I'm making a difference at all, feeling all alone in the world, wallowing in my insecurities, and telling myself I'm a complete failure. 

I'll blame the heat and try to make a joke out of it now, but I was pretty messy, and I don't think I'm the only one who's been there down that road. 

That's why I took a day off on Wednesday and called it a Sabbath. I payed $6 and spent all day at the swimming pool with my Bible, journal, worship music, snacks, and an Elizabeth Elliot book. I even ordered a fresh-squeezed lemonade. 

I learned a lot of things that day, sitting at the feet of Jesus, but I am writing to share with you just one of those things. 

As I was praying, I had a sudden realization that flashed on like a light bulb. 

Satan was trying to steal my joy. 

You see, when I came to Burkina Faso, one of the gifts that my team recognized in me was my joy, and I felt like I was slowly losing it, and it was just about to slip from my fingertips. 

"Lord," I confessed, "I think the enemy is trying to steal my joy." Just proclaiming it made me feel slightly better, like suddenly I had turned around and caught the kid trying to steal a cookie from the cookie jar. I was onto the devil's tactics, and his surprise attack was suddenly foiled. He's pretty sneaky, you know, and sometimes one of our best defenses is to recognize when and where he attacks (which is often our personal areas of weakness). He doesn't like surprises like that, and he certainly doesn't like being caught with his hand in the cookie jar. 

"I know he is trying to steal my joy, but what do I do now?" I asked the Lord. 

The Lord gently reminded me that my joy is a gift from him. Satan has no right to take something that he did not give. 

"Yes!" I found myself saying within. I might have even said it aloud. The enemy has no right to take something that does not belong to him. God gave me my joy, therefore the devil has no right to take away something that was never his to begin with. 

Our joy is unstealable. Spell check doesn't like that word, but I do. 

With that, a burden was lifted from my soul and I was free to rejoice in the words of Psalm 86: "Make my soul rejoice, for to you I lift up my soul." 

According to this Psalm, what is the reason for our joy? It's not our work or our ministry or our success or the fruit of our labor or the difference we make in the world. It's Christ. That means that our efforts could all flop and we could lose every last drop of our money and we could have nothing to prove for our labor, and we would still have reason to rejoice. Because Christ has saved us while we were still sinners, forgiven us of all sins, and adopted us into his family as daughter and sons. That is reason enough to rejoice! Circumstances will change, but Christ, the source of our joy, never changes. And so literally nothing and no one can take away our joy. 

When Satan tries to steal your joy, you just tell him that. Let's proclaim together that he cannot take what does not belong to him. He has no right to steal what God has given us. May Christ, our all in all, be the constant and never-changing delight of our lives.