Prefer to Refer

I have no idea, I thought to myself when I saw her eyes and the plaques beginning to form over her corneas and scleras. Again. 

If I wanted to, I could be discouraged all the time when I see a case that I don't know how to handle. As a nurse, I want to be able to help people with their medical problems. That's why it drives me crazy to see so many things that I've never seen before and have no idea how to help. I just end up referring people all the time. 

"Well, I know an eye doctor in another city..."

"Well, I could send you to Ouaga for treatment..."

"Well, you could go to the local medical clinic and see what they say..."

And each time I say it, I hear myself saying, I don't know what to do or how to help...again. 

A nurse doesn't want to refer, she wants to do something about it herself! At least that's how this little nurse feels. 

That's why I sometimes wonder if I should have studied harder or longer. Maybe even been a doctor. That's why I wonder if I should have gone somewhere like Mercy Ships instead of Burkina Faso. That's why I often feel inadequate to do what I want so badly to do. That's why I find myself most of the time managing cases instead of doing actual patient care.

But God is teaching me something in the middle of all this. Sometimes it comes as a surprise, and then I realize he is always teaching me something in the middle of everything. This time, he is teaching me the importance of referral. 

You see, when I feel competent and capable in myself to care for people or cure them, then whenever something good happens to a patient, I feel honored to have played a part. 

But when I feel like I know absolutely nothing and feel totally incompetent, then when anything good becomes of it, I can only say one thing. "God did that. It was all him." 

He gets more glory that way. 

God is teaching me to refer everything to him. When I want to fix it, I know I need to refer it to him. It works better that way anyway, plus he gets more of the glory that only he deserves. 

In all this, I am reminded that I don't want to be a doctor; I want to be a nurse. And although a time might come where I can serve with Mercy Ships, right now he has brought me to to Burkina Faso. I believe that a time will come when I can do more patient care, but in the meantime, God has presented me with the opportunity to manage medical cases, and I will do that for him with all my heart. It's not too bad, really. I get to explain to people what the doctor is doing and why, how to take their medicines, and I get to pray with them and walk them through the health care process. I get to hold their hands when they are nervous and be at their side when they receive either good or bad news. When I think about it, that's my favorite part about being a nurse, and that's something God gives me the chance to do everyday. For everything else, I think I'll just refer to him.