Side by Side

After collecting my luggage, pulling back my hair, and feeling a gust of hot dessert wind hit my face, I decsended down the stairs, off the plane, and right onto the ground of Burkina Faso. 

Of all the deep and meaningful things I could have thought about in that moment, this is literally what ran through my mind. 

"That's one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind." 

You may think I am joking, but I assure you I am not. I felt like I was walking on the moon. 

The truth is, it has taken every ounce of my physical stamina, emotional strength, and spiritual energy to get to that point of arrival in Burkina Faso. It has also taken every resource and every person that I know to get me here. Indeed, that first step onto Burkinabe ground was one giant, remarkable leap of faith. 

And so I am here! I am currently sitting in my little room in my little guest house (affectionately called "ashlidougou" meaning "the place of Ashli". This is the moment I have dreaming of and planning for throughout the past six months. (And it really goes back even further than that.) All I can feel is tears in my eyes. I have given God everything else - my friends, family, home, job, comfort, familiarity, hobbies and habits, even my language and culture - and the only thing I have left to give is tears. 

I am so overwhelmed. Overwhelmed with excitement! Overwhelmed with nervousness. (Will I really be able to speak french?) But mainly overwhelmed with gratitude. Oh Jesus, you got me here, and I am in awe of you. 

Now that I am actually here, I wonder what in the world I am doing. I am calling it the "what now?" syndome. What am actually supposed to do? Do I possibly have anything to offer after all? I begin to think about everything I am afraid of. What if I fail? What if nothing I have dreamed about actually happens? What if I don't fit in and this never feels like home? What if I am bored? What if I simply don't like it here? What if I disappoint my team and my supporters back home? What if I don't live up to expectations? 

Even as I write these questions - these doubts - I realize how faithless such questions are. I keep thinking about lines from the Hillsong song titled "oceans". I really have "gone where feet may fail". It's true, humanly speaking, failure is an absolute and rather likely possibility. But another line of that song is also so very true. "You've never failed and you won't start now." What confidence we have in our great God! It is totally impossible for him to fail. Ever. 

I have been asking God, "What am I doing here?" He answered me in two ways today. 

First, we worshipped with the church in a small village outside of our town. I love their joyful celebration and welcoming spirits. One moment that stood out was a time of confession when the pastor led the entire church to get on their knees and ask for forgiveness from their sins. I spent the time asking the Lord to forgive me for my questions, my doubts, and my faithlessness. After several minutes, my knees were hurting from the gravel and I realized that my knees are too weak. They should be much more accustomed to bowing in prayer, in confession, in worship. My too-soft knees have some breaking-in to do. 

Later that afternoon, I reunited with Daniel, a fellows burkinabe nurse who works in and around our area. He told me that after I finished language school, we would work "side by side" together. 

These two simple events humbled my heart and reminded me why I have come. I am here to worship Jesus and to work side by side with the people to love and serve others. All of this is so that Jesus may be better known and worshiped among the Dagara. 

It has only been a few days and God is already very present here. All this change is forcing me into a faith that I never knew I had. Teach me your ways, Lord, even when I feel like I am starting from scratch. I knew how to live according to your ways in my familiar environment, but in this unfamiliar environment, I am not sure I know how. Please show me how to spend my days here in a way that pleases you and points others to you. Build your kingdom here, and use me however you want to.