A Confirming Cry
Adjusting to life back in America after a summer in another country is always a challenge. It must be because you are a changed person, and putting a changed person back into an old environment creates tension. It's like taking a piece of clay out of a mold, introducing it to the potter's wheel where it is melted and molded into a new shape, and then expecting it to fit back into the old mold again. Something doesn't quite fit or feel right.
The "re-entry process", also known as "reverse culture shock", can do funny things to a person. It made me want to wear long skirts on really hot days and chop onions and tomatoes to put in every dish that we cooked. I didn't turn the air conditioner on in my car for a week, and I had to convince myself that it was okay to throw away plastic bags because there were more in the cabinet. Emily texted me a few days after we got back and said, "The water in the shower changes temperature when you turn the knob!" That same day, the electricity went off during a storm and I didn't even notice because it felt so normal.
But it is not just the habits of daily life that are different. There is also something deep down that has taken place. You have spent a significant amount of time in a place that seems so poor and desolate at first glance, but you have found the presence of Jesus there, and you have seen him turn deserts into pools of water. You have built relationships with people who the world might call broken and hopeless, but they soon become your friends and the people that spur you on to greater and deeper faith. People think it is a sacrifice to spend your summer in Burkina Faso - one of the poorest places on the planet - but they don't realize how beautiful it is there. The joy of the people and the faith of the followers of Jesus blows me away. I have been changed because of them, and I can't live in the same way after holding those orphans, loving those children, praying with those churches, worshipping with those disciples, and serving alongside those missionaries.
This inner change is really what makes the re-entry process so difficult. It's what really makes me do weird things. For example, I don't normally cry that much, but I cried twice this week.
The first cry was for Burkina - and it was composed of tears of rich joy, thankfulness, and a little bit of "homesickness" because I long to be there for even just a little more time. I don't know where the tears come from or why they seem to come at the most spontaneous and embarrassing moments, but I do know that they are an overflow of what my heart feels - gratitude to God for how He is working in Burkina, for how He allowed me to see it this summer, and for how He might be calling me to invest my future in that nation. In a way, it was a confirming cry. The tears meant that I left a piece of my heart there, and try as I might, I cannot get it back until I return. And maybe one day soon I will. To me, the tears meant that I miss the third-world mission field and that I belong there.
The second cry was during my first day on the floor as a labor and delivery nurse. After watching a patient labor all day, I was there when she gave birth just ten minutes before the end of my shift. And when the baby was born, I almost cried. Again, I don't know where the tears came from, except that they confirmed for me that this is what I love to do and where I need to be.
God used tears this week as a needed gift of confirmation. He has given me a passion that causes tears to flow when I least expect them. Through those tears, He has shown me that He gave me a heart for missions that He will one day fulfill completely. Until that day, He has given me a passion for serving women and children through the process of labor and delivery, and He gave me a job that will allow me to minister and serve with that passion.
Passion is a beautiful piece of God's heart that He puts in each of ours. The passion that He puts in me is different from the passion He puts in you, but together, we make up the body of Christ. That body is alive and passionately pursuing Christ for the sake of the world. It makes me wonder: What brings tears to your eyes? What makes your spirit awaken and your heart beat wild? What is the passion that God has given you? Most of all, how can we, as brothers and sisters in the body of Christ, spur one another on to pursue our passions for the glory and fame of Jesus Christ?
The "re-entry process", also known as "reverse culture shock", can do funny things to a person. It made me want to wear long skirts on really hot days and chop onions and tomatoes to put in every dish that we cooked. I didn't turn the air conditioner on in my car for a week, and I had to convince myself that it was okay to throw away plastic bags because there were more in the cabinet. Emily texted me a few days after we got back and said, "The water in the shower changes temperature when you turn the knob!" That same day, the electricity went off during a storm and I didn't even notice because it felt so normal.
But it is not just the habits of daily life that are different. There is also something deep down that has taken place. You have spent a significant amount of time in a place that seems so poor and desolate at first glance, but you have found the presence of Jesus there, and you have seen him turn deserts into pools of water. You have built relationships with people who the world might call broken and hopeless, but they soon become your friends and the people that spur you on to greater and deeper faith. People think it is a sacrifice to spend your summer in Burkina Faso - one of the poorest places on the planet - but they don't realize how beautiful it is there. The joy of the people and the faith of the followers of Jesus blows me away. I have been changed because of them, and I can't live in the same way after holding those orphans, loving those children, praying with those churches, worshipping with those disciples, and serving alongside those missionaries.
This inner change is really what makes the re-entry process so difficult. It's what really makes me do weird things. For example, I don't normally cry that much, but I cried twice this week.
The first cry was for Burkina - and it was composed of tears of rich joy, thankfulness, and a little bit of "homesickness" because I long to be there for even just a little more time. I don't know where the tears come from or why they seem to come at the most spontaneous and embarrassing moments, but I do know that they are an overflow of what my heart feels - gratitude to God for how He is working in Burkina, for how He allowed me to see it this summer, and for how He might be calling me to invest my future in that nation. In a way, it was a confirming cry. The tears meant that I left a piece of my heart there, and try as I might, I cannot get it back until I return. And maybe one day soon I will. To me, the tears meant that I miss the third-world mission field and that I belong there.
The second cry was during my first day on the floor as a labor and delivery nurse. After watching a patient labor all day, I was there when she gave birth just ten minutes before the end of my shift. And when the baby was born, I almost cried. Again, I don't know where the tears came from, except that they confirmed for me that this is what I love to do and where I need to be.
God used tears this week as a needed gift of confirmation. He has given me a passion that causes tears to flow when I least expect them. Through those tears, He has shown me that He gave me a heart for missions that He will one day fulfill completely. Until that day, He has given me a passion for serving women and children through the process of labor and delivery, and He gave me a job that will allow me to minister and serve with that passion.
Passion is a beautiful piece of God's heart that He puts in each of ours. The passion that He puts in me is different from the passion He puts in you, but together, we make up the body of Christ. That body is alive and passionately pursuing Christ for the sake of the world. It makes me wonder: What brings tears to your eyes? What makes your spirit awaken and your heart beat wild? What is the passion that God has given you? Most of all, how can we, as brothers and sisters in the body of Christ, spur one another on to pursue our passions for the glory and fame of Jesus Christ?
This...this brings tears to my eyes. Thank you sharing your teary moments. They are beautiful tears flowing from a beautiful heart that beats with the love of Jesus. Much love my friend.
ReplyDeleteSweet Ashli,
ReplyDeleteSometimes tears, I have found in my own life, are a direct expression of the Holy Spirit in you...a manifestation of His Presence in that situation. There are all kinds of tears that flow from our eyes, that originated from our heart, but it sounds like these tears were an overflow of the Spirit dwelling in You and expressing His heart through you. Your candid writing is amazing and pure and God glorifying. I love you. Blessings to you as you continue to readjust to this part of the world. The Spirit is with you and in you, tenderly loving you through this new stage.