Even This Place

I wonder what Jacob was thinking when he laid his head upon that rock and tried to go to sleep. I wonder if, instead of counting sheep, he started to count his mistakes. 

He tricked his older brother into selling is birthright for a pot of stew. 

He conspired with his mother to rob the same older brother of his father's blessing. 

And now he's on the run away from home and the fierce anger of his brother. 

Did he stare up at the night sky and wonder? I got the birthright and the blessing that I wanted, but why do I not feel the contentment I longed for?  He just wanted to be great. He just wanted to be blessed. He just wanted to see the promise fulfilled to his family: "All people of the earth will be blessed through you." Yet what did he have to show for it? A rock for a pillow. Maybe he felt like he'd been cheated because he was a cheater. 

But as he drifted off to sleep, counting his mistakes and wondering what the future held, he fell into a dream. It wasn't the nightmare or disturbing dream that he had perhaps expected, but rather, a heavenly vision. A ladder that reached to heaven with angels of God ascending and descending on it. And then there was the Lord! Standing right at the top of the ladder, like he was in control of the acsent  and descent of all things, like he was reachable and accessible. 

And then the Lord spoke! "I am the Lord, the God of Abraham your father and the God of Isaac. The land on which you lie I will give to you and to your offspring. Your offspring shall be like the dust of the earth and you shall spread abroad to the west and to the east and to the south and to the north, and in you and your offspring shall all families of the earth be blessed." 

It was like the Lord knew the exact thoughts of Jacob as he drifted off to sleep. You wonder if I'm real? I am the God of your fathers. You wonder if the promise I gave to your family is true? I'm going to fulfill it through you. You wonder why you have to lay your head on a rock tonight? Because I'm going to transform this same exact hard ground into a place for your ancestors to dwell. You wonder if I see you, if I count your mistakes, if I see how far you've fallen? Jacob, I manage the ascent and descent of angels in heaven, and I see all your ups and downs. These ascents and descents will bring you to me, the one who stands at the top of the ladder and oversees it all. 

Then the Lord adds a personal promise. "I will not leave you until I've done what I promised you." 

Can you imagine such words of comfort for a man who is on the run from home, haunted by his mistakes and wondering what the future will hold for him? I wonder what Jacob thought of the dream when he woke up. All I know is his immediate response:

"Surely the Lord is in the place, and I did not know it!" (Genesis 28:16)

Just a few moments ago, the ground where Jacob lay had been a place of doubting, a place of counting mistakes, a place of guilt and discomfort represented by a stone for a pillow. Now, this same place has been changed into a place of hope and promise and reassurance. A place where angels go up and down and where God himself manages all things from on high. Jacob was still on the run. He still had to use a rock for a pillow, but yet something changed in that place. What made the change? A realization that the Lord was there, and he had been unaware of it. 

Even when we find ourselves in places where we can't feel the presence of the Lord, may we still choose to be aware of him...even if we can't see him. 

When we find ourselves in places like Jacob did - where we doubt our faith, we wonder about our calling, or we count the mistakes that we have made - may we lay our heads upon our stones and say even in the discomfort and trouble that God is in this place, even though I did not know it. 

When we find ourselves on the run, out of chances, chased by our own guilt, may we find the strength to say, "Surely God is in this place, even though I may not be aware of it." 

When we look upon the deepest despair, or stand face to face with the greatest injustice, or find ourselves in the middle of striking poverty, may we find the courage to say, "Surely God is in this place, even though we are not yet aware of it." 

When we are sick, troubled, lonely, hurting, or broken, let us look heavenward and realize that surely God is in even this place and we just aren't aware of it.

Whatever difficulty you may be facing, may you be able to say, "Even this place..." 

I told Micah the other night at the dinner table, "I believe that if you look hard enough, you can see God in absolutely everything." I really do. I really believe that. Even if my head is on a stone, I choose to believe that. 

When we choose to believe he is present even when we aren't aware, he won't let us stay unaware for long. In other words, he won't stay hidden, but rather he will reveal his presence like angels ascending and descending on high. Then we will see that what we believed was indeed true - he was there all along, and what a joy it is to be aware of it.