Greater Gain
I lay wide awake, unable to sleep because so many memories kept flashing across my mind. I wanted them to keep coming, so I forfeited sleep in order to relive my favorite moments of nursing school.
So many times that I climbed the flights of stairs to the third floor of the Olen Hendrix building. So many late nights studying in the Simmons lab or messing around in the lounge. So many trips to clinicals in Little Rock, complete with the Les Mis soundtrack.
I kept thinking about the excitement that could be felt in the dusky hallway air of the science building, which for once did not smell like formaldehyde, but rather triumph and joy as all the graduating seniors adjusted each others' tassels and lined up. I remembered how beautiful our red shoes looked as we walked across the stage together. (It is tradition for the graduating nursing students to wear red shoes on graduation day) Then, all manners and etiquette were let go as we let loose to hug and high-five one another as we filed out of our seats and marched down the aisles.
We took one last group picture in front of our beloved Olen Hendrix building, and then it was over, and I wondered where the last four years went and why life happens so fast. Suddenly (and I can't believe I am saying this), I did not want nursing school to be over. If you had asked me in that moment, I might have been willing to do it all over again.
I am going to miss popping my head into my professors' offices to submit a binder of paperwork, to ask a question, get some advice, or just say "hi". I am going to miss texting my classmates at 11:30 at night...and sometimes 1:00 in the morning...with random questions about class or assignments. I am going to miss "Happy Friday!" greetings from Eric in the Simmons lab, Zaxby's chicken on Friday for HNSA meetings, and karaoke at our annual Christmas party. And what will I do on Friday nights if I don't have a paper to write about the nursing process, Benner's model, or change theory? Okay, maybe I won't miss that part very much.
Most of all, I will miss seeing my classmates every day. There were 30 in our class, and each of us says that we have 29 sisters. Each of those people held a special place in my heart. After graduation, I felt like pieces of my heart went out in 30 different directions, and it hurt.
But then the Lord directed my eyes to look at myself, and instead of seeing a shattered heart, I saw my entire self covered in fingerprints. I watched as the Lord kept bringing people to me - people that I have come to know and love - and He painted each person's finger and then placed it on my skin in the spot He designated. They kept coming, and God kept painting, until I was completely covered in colorful fingerprints.
Instead of seeing what I had lost, I began to see what I had gained. I have been touched, impacted, and changed by so many people that God has brought into my life over these past four years. Some have walked with me the whole time, through thick and thin. Others came and went, only there for a moment, but it was long enough to leave a mark on my life.
Although it may be easy to focus on what has been lost, the Lord is showing me just how much more I have gained. He has richly blessed me with life-changing experiences and "holy moments". He has touched my life through so many incredible people, and they have left a mark on me that has made me who I am. Most of all, He has poured out His love, grace, ans truth on my by drawing me deeper into relationship with Him. I am reminded of the greatest gain:
"But whatever was to my profit, I now consider a loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in Him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law but that which is through faith in Christ - the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. I want to know Christ and the power of the resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in His sufferings, becoming like Him in His death and so, somehow, to attain the resurrection of the dead." Philippians 3:7-11
So many times that I climbed the flights of stairs to the third floor of the Olen Hendrix building. So many late nights studying in the Simmons lab or messing around in the lounge. So many trips to clinicals in Little Rock, complete with the Les Mis soundtrack.
I kept thinking about the excitement that could be felt in the dusky hallway air of the science building, which for once did not smell like formaldehyde, but rather triumph and joy as all the graduating seniors adjusted each others' tassels and lined up. I remembered how beautiful our red shoes looked as we walked across the stage together. (It is tradition for the graduating nursing students to wear red shoes on graduation day) Then, all manners and etiquette were let go as we let loose to hug and high-five one another as we filed out of our seats and marched down the aisles.
We took one last group picture in front of our beloved Olen Hendrix building, and then it was over, and I wondered where the last four years went and why life happens so fast. Suddenly (and I can't believe I am saying this), I did not want nursing school to be over. If you had asked me in that moment, I might have been willing to do it all over again.
I am going to miss popping my head into my professors' offices to submit a binder of paperwork, to ask a question, get some advice, or just say "hi". I am going to miss texting my classmates at 11:30 at night...and sometimes 1:00 in the morning...with random questions about class or assignments. I am going to miss "Happy Friday!" greetings from Eric in the Simmons lab, Zaxby's chicken on Friday for HNSA meetings, and karaoke at our annual Christmas party. And what will I do on Friday nights if I don't have a paper to write about the nursing process, Benner's model, or change theory? Okay, maybe I won't miss that part very much.
Most of all, I will miss seeing my classmates every day. There were 30 in our class, and each of us says that we have 29 sisters. Each of those people held a special place in my heart. After graduation, I felt like pieces of my heart went out in 30 different directions, and it hurt.
But then the Lord directed my eyes to look at myself, and instead of seeing a shattered heart, I saw my entire self covered in fingerprints. I watched as the Lord kept bringing people to me - people that I have come to know and love - and He painted each person's finger and then placed it on my skin in the spot He designated. They kept coming, and God kept painting, until I was completely covered in colorful fingerprints.
Instead of seeing what I had lost, I began to see what I had gained. I have been touched, impacted, and changed by so many people that God has brought into my life over these past four years. Some have walked with me the whole time, through thick and thin. Others came and went, only there for a moment, but it was long enough to leave a mark on my life.
Although it may be easy to focus on what has been lost, the Lord is showing me just how much more I have gained. He has richly blessed me with life-changing experiences and "holy moments". He has touched my life through so many incredible people, and they have left a mark on me that has made me who I am. Most of all, He has poured out His love, grace, ans truth on my by drawing me deeper into relationship with Him. I am reminded of the greatest gain:
"But whatever was to my profit, I now consider a loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in Him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law but that which is through faith in Christ - the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. I want to know Christ and the power of the resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in His sufferings, becoming like Him in His death and so, somehow, to attain the resurrection of the dead." Philippians 3:7-11
love that fingerprint imagery...just beautiful...so thankful your path crossed mine and that we never have to say good-bye when we are looking to Christ and the promise of eternity.
ReplyDeleteSo proud of you Ashli...
Ashli, you always make me think, and today you reminded me to think about all that I have gained in my life...all the blessings! Thank you for pushing me to think beyond losses.
ReplyDeletePlease, never give up writing your words of insight and encouragement!