Servants and Soldiers

Why am I so tired all the time? 

Maybe it's the heat. It is relentlessly and inescapably over 100 degrees, and the sun burns like we are only ten degrees off the equator.

Maybe it's a lack of exercise. I haven't been doing that as much as I should. 

Or perhaps I'm anemic or even have a thyroid problem. 

I just can't figure out why I go to bed feeling so exhausted every night, sleep long and hard, and then still want to take a nap the next day and go to bed early again. 

I was reading Exodus 17 the other day when I found the first mention of Joshua in the Bible. The story in Exodus 17 is actually mainly told about Moses. You probably didn't even know Joshua was in it. It's the story of the battle against the Amalekites and how Moses had to hold up his arms to win the victory. When he got tired, he had some guys (Aaron and Hur) help him hold his arms up. 

But what was Joshua doing this whole time? He was down on the battle field, engaging in war, totally unaware of the hand-holding thing going on. 

That's why God tells Moses to write the story down for Joshua. At the end of the day, Joshua needed to know the real story so that he would know where the true victory came from. While he was fighting his heart out, God was winning the real victory through Moses' arms. 

Sometimes I feel like Joshua. I'm just down here on the battle field, fighting with all I've got, totally unaware yet hopefully suspecting that God is working victories for me in the heavenly places. When I can't see it yet, I just have to keep fighting. 

Then I realized why I feel so tired. This fatigue I feel is real, but it is different; it is hard to put my finger on. It is not the familiar tiredness I feel when I've been sick or haven't slept well. No, it is not my body or my mind that is tired, it is something I haven't felt before and didn't know what to name it until now. It's my spirit. My spiritual fighting muscles are tired. 

For I have been fighting a spiritual battle. Spiritual warfare is a reality here in a way that I have never experienced before. It's all around me - animism and Islam, fetishes and idols and sacrifices, poverty and sickness, hopelessness and hunger. But it's also within me - sin, doubt, discouragement, and striving that I didn't know was inside of me has come to the surface. 

At the same time, strength and hope and trust that I didn't know was within me has risen up to fight it. It's like a spiritual battle in the air around me and the mind within me all the time. Someone once told me, "If we could see the spiritual battle going on around us, we would be ducking our heads from swinging swords every moment." 

I would not say that this - living in Africa as a gospel servant - is the hardest thing I've been through. It's not the toughest battle I've even fought. It is not even the greatest struggle I've ever had in my life, but I can say I've never struggled so constantly and consistently in my life. It's like a constant undertow gripping at the ankles, trying to pull me under. Yet at the same time, I've also never sought God and found strength in his Word so constantly and consistently. What joy I have found in drawing nearer and nearer to Christ! For as the current grows stronger and stronger beneath me, my spiritual fighting muscles grow stronger and stronger to resist it. 

It kind of reminds me of weight-lifting. The more you stretch and push yourself, the stronger you become. The spiritual resistance is only strengthening my spiritual muscle fibers. The enemy is trying to wear me out, but all he is doing is making me stronger to fight against him.

I've never struggled like this before, but I've also never trusted and loved Jesus like this before. 

Funny how that works. 

No, amazing how that works. 

We are all in this spiritual battle without and within. Have you ever felt like your fighting muscles were tired and you just needed to put down your sword for a while and regather strength in the presence of Jesus? He will give us the strength we need to put on the armor of God again, pick up our swords, and fight. 

Oh Jesus, may we wear ourselves out fighting for your kingdom. 

May we spend ourselves totally for you. 

May we drag ourselves to your feet at the end of each day knowing that we have fought well and given our all. 

And then may we put down our swords and rest quietly, linger long, and tarry in your presence to regather the strength that we need. 

May we be like Joshua, fighting valiantly even when we can't comprehend the victories you are winning in the heavenly realms. 

For some reason, this helped me accept my fatigue. Even welcome it like it was a right thing to feel instead of a wrong one. We ought to finish every day exhausted from the fight, for that means we fought well. We must also welcome the gift of rest, for we cannot continue fighting without the supernatural, holy strength that comes from dwelling in his presence. 

What an honor to be his soldier in this epic spiritual battle of culminating ages. What an honor to be his servants in a hurting and broken world. 

We are servants, and we are soldiers. He is our master, and he is our commander. Like Joshua, we keep fighting even though we can't see how God is working victory in the heavenlies. We trust that someone, like Moses, is raising their arms on our behalf to bring us victory.

In the middle of the battle, look up and see. That someone is Jesus - his arms outstretched on the cross. He has already won the victory, and he is reaching out for us.