Running in the Dark

The end-of-the-year summer camp for third culture kids (TCKs) includes all the normal things you would expect at any camp - cabins where you are supposed to sleep except there's hardly any time for that, a swimming pool where you spend most of your free time, silly games, sweet snacks, water balloons, capture the flag, late nights, pranks, and sunburns. 

But in the middle of all the fun and activities were some extraordinary times of worship and teaching each morning and evening. I was blessed to be able to participate in camp this year as a part of the worship team, which was perfect because I simply love worship. I don't claim to have a microphone-worthy voice, and I'm certainly not the world's greatest guitar player, but for some reason they asked me to lead, and I think it must be because I just love to worship. 

In fact, that's what I hope is said of me when I die: "That girl, she loved to worship."  

So, put camp and worship together and you have one pretty happy camper right here. 

The students are amazing. Half of them are MKs (missionary kids) with a maturity level higher than my own, and the other half are kids who haven't yet decided to follow Jesus, but are seeking community, and they find a love and acceptance among the other kids that draws them back time and time again. It's quite beautiful actually - the mixing and mingling of the faithful with the searching. It's how the church should look, I think, but I don't think we are as good at it as these young people are. 

When I wasn't leading worship or hanging out with the students in the swimming pool, I was putting kids back together with bandages, ace wraps, and butterfly bandaids. As the unofficial "camp nurse", I was the go-to person for any scrape or stomach cramp. 

As much as these students are exceptionally intelligent and spiritually mature, they are just as exceptionally accident-prone. 

The first girl came to me after she fell on her knee while playing a silly game, and it looked like a golf ball was protruding out of her knee, but that was nothing a little ice, wrapping, and ibuprofen couldn't fix. 

The next kid I found myself when I saw him throwing up outside his cabin. He also had a killer headache, so we got him settled comfortably in his cabin with a fan and big bottle of water with electrolytes. He was asleep in half and hour and slept all afternoon. When he woke up, he ate dinner and then won a push-up competition, so I think he'll be fine. Can't have camp without a little dehydration excitement. 

That evening, someone came and told me that a boy had hit his head. Since his mom was in the room with me, I sent her first and told her to come find me if it was anything she couldn't handle. She came back in about thirty seconds with her son right behind her, his hands cupped and full of blood, catching the drops that were dripping of the end of his nose. It was quite impressive, actually, the amount of blood coming out of his head, but head injuries do that, and we were very thankful that it was nothing but a sizable gash. I think the worst part was that I had to cut his hair to clean the wound, so now he has a fabulous bald spot where he can show off his battle scar from his collision with the corner of the air conditioning unit. (If you look back at the picture, I bet you can find this kid!) 

Meanwhile, while playing capture the flag in the dark, some kid ran full speed ahead into a metal barrier that he didn't see, which catapulted him and flipped his entire body over it. 

Another kid tripped and fell while running in the dark. Sadly, his room key was in his pocket, which flayed open his thigh a good two or three inches. We didn't figure that out until we cut his shorts to reveal the injury and he pulled a key out of his pocket that was broken in half. He got three stitches for that one. 

It was at that point that I seriously started to question the saneness of playing capture the flag in the dark. 

"It's just not a good idea," I said.  

Running around in the dark, that is. For obvious reasons - you can't see where you are going and the obstacles are too numerous. That's easy for me to say when I'm the one cleaning blood out of a kid's hair while asking him if he can tell me who and where he is. 

Sometimes I wonder if that's how God feels when I come to him with my hurt and the injuries of my heart. He gently brushes me off and cleans me up, but then tenderly reminds me, "You were trying to find your way in the dark. It's just not a good idea to run in the dark." 

God has given us his light, but sometimes we keep running in the dark. 

When we believe lies and then live like they mean something to us...

When we become insensitive and lax to our same old sins...

When we forget how loved we are keep living like we are failures...

When we figure we must earn our salvation and so we try so hard to gain God's pleasure with our good works...

And then we get hurt. Hearts break. Relationships sever. Wounds reopen. The pain starts up again.

If you wonder why you are spiritually accident prone, why things keep shattering and your pain keeps relighting, it could be because you've been running in the dark. 

God bandages our wounds, and in the time it takes to heal, the sun rises. And then we have a choice. We can either keep running in the darkness of our sin, doubt, and discouragement, or we can emerge resurrected into the light that God has given us through his son, Jesus Christ. 

"God, who made light shine out of darkness, has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ." (2 Corinthians 4:6)

I could read that verse again and again, trying to grasp a corner of its richness. The same God who said "let there be light" and created light out of utter darkness has also shone light into the darkness of my heart. And this light is knowing the glory of God by gazing at the face of Jesus. It's amazing and astounding and breath-taking and life-giving. 

When our wounds heal, may our scars remain and remind us of the healing hands of our savior and the depth of the darkness from which he rescued us. Now let us run with freedom in the light of the day, the knowledge of the glory of God through the face of Jesus Christ.