See

I have a confession to make. I don’t like to watch; I like to do. I really like to be in the middle of things, and I just don’t like to stand by.

However, this trip has stretched me. Surrounded by a team of three doctors, two nurses, and six other nursing students, I can’t possibly be there to do everything. I can’t even be there to see everything. Sometimes, I get to perform skills or do neat things, but most of the time, I find myself watching or even just hearing about things that were done.

Normally, I would be jealous when others get to do things while I just stand by and watch. However, I have really enjoyed listening to the many stories at the end of each day. “I assisted in a breech delivery today!” one student says. “I resuscitated two babies after C-sections today, and they are alive and well!” another tells. As stories are shared, I find myself not jealous, but amazed and praising God.

During my time here in Tanzania, I have gotten to do a few things, but I have been able to watch so much more. I have watched surgeries and procedures that I have never seen before. I have observed fellow students start IVs, give injections, deliver babies, and debride wounds. Instead of wishing I was doing it all myself, I have enjoyed watching. I am learning to enjoying the seeing instead of just the doing.

And when I am not busy, when I am not doing anything, I am learning to look around the wards and see the people and their needs. I am learning to see the longing in people’s faces and respond with the touch, pat, or set of clean sheets that they need. It’s not so much about doing as it is about seeing.

The same applies to our lives and relationships with God. We put such great emphasis on doing. We focus on what we do as the means to our satisfaction. We want to always do the right thing in order to gain righteousness or favor with God. The things is, that’s not how it works. “It is by grace that you have been saved, not by works so that no one can boast.” (Ephesians 2)

It’s not about doing. It’s about seeing. Seeing grace in everything.

God wants to open our eyes to see Christ in everything – in the world He created, in the faces of His people, in our circumstances and opportunities, even in the small and simple and mundane. God’s presence is everywhere; He is omnipresent, meaning that open eyes will see Him in the everyday. It is time that we stop putting all our effort into doing  and just open our eyes to seeing.  For doing without seeing is self-righteousness, but seeing opens the eyes of faith, empowering us to respond with the God-glorifying act of doing.

In my journal reflection for today, I wrote, “I have learned to find joy in watching, in seeing what God does in and through others, even when I am not involved. It is the same with my life and with God – I am learning that it is less about what I do and more about what I see. I want to see Christ in everything and worship in response.”

Open our eyes, Lord. We want to see you and know you more than anything else. We long to gaze upon your beauty and your glory. Our one desire is to rest in your presence, for your presence is the greatest treasure. When we see you in everything, we can truly worship you constantly, and it is in our heart’s worship that we are able to please you and respond to you.