Refurbished

I bent down on my knees with the sun at my back, running my hands lightly over the rough wooden surface and then pulling a few small splinters out of the palm of my hand. I had work to do. I had collected six pallets for a do-it-yourself project, and I was going to turn these old beat-up pallets into a bed frame. I wondered where these pallets had been and what kind of loads they had carried as I rubbed the scratchy wooden surfaces in small circular motions with fine sandpaper, and sawdust rose like small whiffs, then blew away with the wind. 

As I worked, I thought. I thought about my life. For the past few months, I have been working non-stop and running myself ragged. Two weeks ago, I hit a breaking point and took a good look at who I was becoming — a frazzled, frantic, exhausted woman who no longer had any spontaneity, availability, or joy. Seeing who I was becoming scared me. 

So I did something a little drastic to decrease my stress and create some space. I quit both of my jobs and moved out of Immerse housing. At the same time, the Lord provided a new job that is perfect for me, and he opened up a bedroom so that I could move in with my sister. Thus the need for a new bed frame and a Saturday all to myself to work with my hands and work out some things in my heart. 

The Lord has been teaching me that my life has become like a cluttered closet. Everybody has a closet like that, right? The one that you keep adding things to until you need to take everything out, get rid of what you don’t need anymore, and organize the important things that remain. That’s what I want to do with your life, the Lord says.

I believe that God calls us to certain things in certain seasons of life. I also believe I have the tendency to add to what God has asked me to do in each season. They may be good things, just not necessarily things that God has given to me. When I realized that this is what has happened to me, I took a step back and asked, What has God specifically called me to focus on in this season? Then I cut out everything else. It was pretty drastic, but obedience sometimes requires drastic measures. 

I stroked the sanded surfaces with mocha-colored wood stain, watching the color seep into the wood and bring out the character and integrity of each piece. A beauty that I didn’t see was there until now. I remembered that a dear friend and mentor of mine had texted me earlier this week without prompting. She reached out just to tell me that the Lord was leading me into a season of “narrowing,” she said. “Did you know a boat got stuck sideways in the Suez Canal recently?” She asked. As the locks get narrower, it requires focus until you pass through and open up into a whole new world on the other side. And do you know what eventually got that boat unstuck? Not the various man-driven efforts to push and tug from all sides. It was the rising and falling of the tide that set that sideways boat free. 

I feel the rising and falling of the tides in my own heart as I wait on the Lord to get me out of this sideways predicament that I have gotten myself into. He will set me straight and face me towards the narrowing that is necessary to pass through to get to where we’re going.

I set the pallets out to dry in the sun with nothing to do but wait. I sang a song in my heart (Let the Ground Rest by Chris Renzema): 

Been waiting on a moment
Waiting on a sign
Waiting for them to call your name
And you're next in line
Waiting for your time to come
Your fifteen minutes in the sun
So don't you find it strange?
That God, He made four seasons and only one spring

So oh, just let the ground rest
'Cause if it's not right now, it's for the best
You're gonna grow, I know this
But for now, just let the ground rest

Those pallets that had spent their entire careers bearing loads for the purpose of heavy labor have now been refurbished — washed, sanded, softened, painted. And for what purpose? For rest. Let the ground rest.

God is not a slave master, he is a Good Father. Jesus did not call us slaves; he called us friends. Yes, we are called to work for him, but we are also invited to rest in him. And we do not work so that we can rest. We work out of our rest. It is obedience to work for God; it is also obedience to rest in God. This is why God, in his great grace, commanded Sabbath. “There remains a Sabbath rest for the people of God.” 

This is gospel vocabulary: it is not what we do that earns us favor with God; it is what God has done in his finished work on the cross that puts us in right standing before him. We rest from our spiritual labors in this grace, and we rest from our physical labors, trusting that God will take care of all the things that we think we need to take care of. 

Sand out my surfaces that have become rough from the work, from the loads I have carried. Saturate me in the stain of your blood, and refurbish me for your purposes, Lord. 

For work 

and rest 

and narrowing.