A Year Ago

A year ago, I packed all my belongings into a fifty gallon Tupperware box and left West Africa, and for the first time, I had no plan to return. 

It was June 29, 2019, a year ago.

A year ago, I had no idea what I would be doing in the United States nor how long I would be there. But I would not have imagined that I would still be here a whole year later. 

A year ago when I was talking with an African friend about my return to the United States, she said to me, “You need to be prepared to stay longer this time.” This was so contrary to the typical African way of saying what you want to hear, such as “You’ll be back soon” or “We’ll be back together again in just a short while”, that I knew her words to be from the Lord. 

“God is faithful,” she reminded me as we parted. 

A year ago I prayed, asking the Lord whether I should seek some kind of permanency in the United States, specifically whether I should get an apartment and a job. Little did I know how God would provide for me both — and how both are perfect for me and perfect for the ministry God is teaching me to do. 

A year ago, the Lord gave me a word: Wherever. Wherever you lead, I will follow. Wherever you send, I will go. Wherever you plant me, I will flourish. I will love Christ and make disciples wherever I am. 

The thing is, I thought about wherever as anywhere but here. I am learning that wherever includes right here. 

I have a big map of the world tapestry covering one wall in the living area of my apartment. A friend admired it and so I asked him, “If you could go anywhere in the world tonight, where would you go?” Because I have a thousand answers to that question. He had one. “Honestly, I’d be right here,” he said with confidence, and I was convicted. Oh, to have that kind of assurance in the place where I already am. 

Lord, forgive me of my discontentment. 

For an entire year, I have grieved my departure from West Africa. I have been so very afraid of forgetting, afraid of the memories fading, afraid of the experiences collecting dust. I wept before the Lord and told him I was afraid of putting it all in some box of souvenirs from the past... and then he took my handful of memories and experiences, and he showed me that he has already woven all those things into the fiber of my very being. I didn’t need to safeguard them in a box; they had become an inseparable part of who I am. And God was the master craftsman behind that miracle. 

I do not regret the grieving process, for it has been wholesome and healing, and God has walked this pilgrimage with me. But I do repent of my discontentment, of telling God that I would go wherever, when what I meant was anywhere but here. 

A year later, I am still in the United States. A year later, God has made a life for me here, and I see in clarity that which I only saw through shadows and fog a year ago. I see God’s provision for me. A year later, God has gifted me with a community of fellow followers of Jesus who are not ashamed of the gospel, and he has surrounded us with friends with whom we can share him. 

A year later, I think I have lived the most missional year of my entire life...and it took me getting ”off” the mission field to do it. I have learned in practice what wherever actually means — that “missions” is not about a geographical location but rather about obedience in the place we have been given with the people we have been given. 

A year ago, I left Africa, but today I celebrate the anniversary with thanksgiving and hopefulness.

Thanksgiving for the gift of five years in West Africa and how it changed me, how the memories and experiences are woven into my life by the kind hand of God. 

Hopefulness for a return to Africa soon, although the timeline is once again uncertain. 

Thanksgiving for the life God has built for me here. This is not just “in-between time” or “down time” but very purposeful and preparative for what is to come. Hopefulness for the ministry he has in store for me right here, right now, wherever. 

Thanksgiving and hopefulness. Because what my African friend told me a year ago still rings true: God is faithful.