Our Loaves and Fish
I wonder if the little boy's mother packed his lunch, or if he was old enough to do it all by himself. Did he say, "Mom, pack me something for lunch today because I'm going to go hear Jesus"? Or did a friend spontaneously show up at the door and announce, "Jesus is in our village!" and then the little boy, surprised and hurried, grabbed the quickest thing he could find - five loaves and two small fish? I wonder what Jesus did all day, who he healed and what he taught, and what the little boy thought about it. Whatever it was, it was enough to make him offer all he had to give - his humble lunch - to Jesus.
This past weekend I attended the Global Health Missions Conference in Louisville, where I spent three days and received incredible encouragement, relevant information, empowering counsel, and spiritual refreshment. As wonderful as the sessions, keynotes, exhibitors, or worship times all were, that wasn't what made the conference so great.
I realized it as I was sitting around the table at dinner one evening with my party of eight. Two of them were a couple, a doctor and his wife, who have selflessly served the Lord in Africa for practically their entire married lives. Two others were women around my parents' age who have also given of themselves to mission work for many years. One was a single woman who has served a lifetime as a missionary nurse, and now raises up younger nurses and students to listen and obey God's call on their lives. Another one was a missionary nurse also who could fill a library with books of her stories. And one was a young nurse like me, who is finding ways to be a missionary right where she lives in Tennessee and has begun to invest in a Syrian refugee family by showing them the love of Christ.
Five of us had served together one summer in a Tanzanian mission hospital (that's how I got to know them) back in 2012, and two others had been to the same place at different times. I looked around the table at each face and felt a humbling moment as I thought about how each person has influenced my life and journey to mission work. How each one serves as an example to me. I was surrounded by a legacy of missionaries. Generations of humble heros.
"Do you see what this means?" Paul writes, "All these pioneers who blazed the way, all these veterans cheering us on? It means we’d better get on with it. Strip down, start running—and never quit! No extra spiritual fat, no parasitic sins. Keep your eyes on Jesus, who both began and finished this race we’re in. Study how he did it. Because he never lost sight of where he was headed—that exhilarating finish in and with God—he could put up with anything along the way: Cross, shame, whatever. And now he’s there, in the place of honor, right alongside God. When you find yourselves flagging in your faith, go over that story again, item by item, that long litany of hostility he plowed through. That will shoot adrenaline into your souls!"
Adrenaline has been shot into my soul - by the classes and speakers at the conference, yes, but mainly by the people that experienced it with me. They are the pioneers who have gone before me, who give me the courage to "never lose sight of where I am headed" and to "put up with anything along the way."
If you were to ask me if I have ever seen a miracle like the ones Jesus did during his ministry on earth, I would probably say no. I've honestly never seen a lame man get up. I've never seen blind eyes opened or lepers healed. But then I read the story of the feeding of the five thousand, and I know that I experience that miracle every day.
Because the little boy, that's me. I constantly feel like I have such little to offer compared the size of the need. I feel like what I have to give could never be enough. But I offer it anyway because I've listened to his words and watched his miracles just like the little boy, and it makes me believe that he is someone worth giving what I have, no matter the size. So I offer it anyway, sometimes with tears and apologies, and I ask him to take it and do something with it, and he does. He multiplies it.
My daily strength and energy. It runs out quickly and I don't feel like I have enough, but he multiplies it.
My money. I never seem to have enough at the moment to meet the need, but he multiplies it.
My French. I know it's not perfect, and I often feel it's not good enough, but he multiplies the impact of the simple things I say.
My nursing. I feel that my knowledge and experience is limited, but he multiplies it.
My faith. He takes my mustard seed and multiplies it.
If ever I've seen a miracle, it's the one I experience in my own heart everyday - an abundant God who takes my small offerings and makes something more out of it. He turns it into something that can feed the hungry.
I confess - I often feel empty, like I don't have enough, like I fall short. It's not that I don't love what I do, it's just that I feel like it's not ever enough because the needs are so great. If anyone should feel like they are doing enough for God, it should be the girl who has given up her home, family, friends, and career to live in one of the poorest places on earth, right? If anyone should feel like they are doing enough, it should be me. But I don't. That's because I've learned that if you try to find satisfaction in work, even good ministry or mission work, you will never find it. The work is not fulfilling; in fact, it's kind of exhausting. The work is not fulfilling; Christ is.
That's why the worship at the conference changed me. I came to the conference with questions. How can I better use the nursing skills God has given me on the mission field? How do I help without hurting? How can I manage medical cases better? Am I even doing it right at all? Oh, and how can I prevent getting totally burned out?
We can get so caught up in our questions that life gets really complicated. That's when we need to fall at the foot of the cross and worship. We need to see Christ sitting on his throne. That is where we find that nothing else even matters. Our questions don't disappear; they get answered. The answer is Christ and his authority, kingship, and lordship. The answer is that he can never fall off his throne. He will never step down. The answer is responding in worship to his grace and gift of salvation and sonship.
Worship gives me the courage to "never lose sight of where I am headed" and to "put up with anything along the way."
At the end of the conference, the participants were all given a commitment card and encouraged to write on it, come forward, and place it on a map of the world that covered the stage. When I placed my card, I didn't just lay down a card, I laid down my questions and my complexities. I laid down my five loaves and two fish once again and said, "Here is all I have to give, Lord, and I know it seems small but I know you can take it and do something big with it."
By the end of a few songs, the world was completely covered, a visual reminder of how God has the world covered. That means that he is enthroned in authority and power and glory with the whole world in his hands. It means people are praying, people are going, and God's got it.
We are surrounded by a great cloud of witnesses, of patriarchs, prophets, and people who have paved the way and are now cheering us on. Join the movement. Join the pioneers. :Never lose sight of where you are headed" and you can "put up with anything along the way". Lay down your questions and complexities, find fulfillment at the cross, and surrender your five loaves and two little fish so that you, too, can experience the daily reality of God's miracle of multiplication.
- - -
I realized it as I was sitting around the table at dinner one evening with my party of eight. Two of them were a couple, a doctor and his wife, who have selflessly served the Lord in Africa for practically their entire married lives. Two others were women around my parents' age who have also given of themselves to mission work for many years. One was a single woman who has served a lifetime as a missionary nurse, and now raises up younger nurses and students to listen and obey God's call on their lives. Another one was a missionary nurse also who could fill a library with books of her stories. And one was a young nurse like me, who is finding ways to be a missionary right where she lives in Tennessee and has begun to invest in a Syrian refugee family by showing them the love of Christ.
Five of us had served together one summer in a Tanzanian mission hospital (that's how I got to know them) back in 2012, and two others had been to the same place at different times. I looked around the table at each face and felt a humbling moment as I thought about how each person has influenced my life and journey to mission work. How each one serves as an example to me. I was surrounded by a legacy of missionaries. Generations of humble heros.
"Do you see what this means?" Paul writes, "All these pioneers who blazed the way, all these veterans cheering us on? It means we’d better get on with it. Strip down, start running—and never quit! No extra spiritual fat, no parasitic sins. Keep your eyes on Jesus, who both began and finished this race we’re in. Study how he did it. Because he never lost sight of where he was headed—that exhilarating finish in and with God—he could put up with anything along the way: Cross, shame, whatever. And now he’s there, in the place of honor, right alongside God. When you find yourselves flagging in your faith, go over that story again, item by item, that long litany of hostility he plowed through. That will shoot adrenaline into your souls!"
Adrenaline has been shot into my soul - by the classes and speakers at the conference, yes, but mainly by the people that experienced it with me. They are the pioneers who have gone before me, who give me the courage to "never lose sight of where I am headed" and to "put up with anything along the way."
- - -
Because the little boy, that's me. I constantly feel like I have such little to offer compared the size of the need. I feel like what I have to give could never be enough. But I offer it anyway because I've listened to his words and watched his miracles just like the little boy, and it makes me believe that he is someone worth giving what I have, no matter the size. So I offer it anyway, sometimes with tears and apologies, and I ask him to take it and do something with it, and he does. He multiplies it.
My daily strength and energy. It runs out quickly and I don't feel like I have enough, but he multiplies it.
My money. I never seem to have enough at the moment to meet the need, but he multiplies it.
My French. I know it's not perfect, and I often feel it's not good enough, but he multiplies the impact of the simple things I say.
My nursing. I feel that my knowledge and experience is limited, but he multiplies it.
My faith. He takes my mustard seed and multiplies it.
If ever I've seen a miracle, it's the one I experience in my own heart everyday - an abundant God who takes my small offerings and makes something more out of it. He turns it into something that can feed the hungry.
I confess - I often feel empty, like I don't have enough, like I fall short. It's not that I don't love what I do, it's just that I feel like it's not ever enough because the needs are so great. If anyone should feel like they are doing enough for God, it should be the girl who has given up her home, family, friends, and career to live in one of the poorest places on earth, right? If anyone should feel like they are doing enough, it should be me. But I don't. That's because I've learned that if you try to find satisfaction in work, even good ministry or mission work, you will never find it. The work is not fulfilling; in fact, it's kind of exhausting. The work is not fulfilling; Christ is.
That's why the worship at the conference changed me. I came to the conference with questions. How can I better use the nursing skills God has given me on the mission field? How do I help without hurting? How can I manage medical cases better? Am I even doing it right at all? Oh, and how can I prevent getting totally burned out?
We can get so caught up in our questions that life gets really complicated. That's when we need to fall at the foot of the cross and worship. We need to see Christ sitting on his throne. That is where we find that nothing else even matters. Our questions don't disappear; they get answered. The answer is Christ and his authority, kingship, and lordship. The answer is that he can never fall off his throne. He will never step down. The answer is responding in worship to his grace and gift of salvation and sonship.
Worship gives me the courage to "never lose sight of where I am headed" and to "put up with anything along the way."
At the end of the conference, the participants were all given a commitment card and encouraged to write on it, come forward, and place it on a map of the world that covered the stage. When I placed my card, I didn't just lay down a card, I laid down my questions and my complexities. I laid down my five loaves and two fish once again and said, "Here is all I have to give, Lord, and I know it seems small but I know you can take it and do something big with it."
By the end of a few songs, the world was completely covered, a visual reminder of how God has the world covered. That means that he is enthroned in authority and power and glory with the whole world in his hands. It means people are praying, people are going, and God's got it.
We are surrounded by a great cloud of witnesses, of patriarchs, prophets, and people who have paved the way and are now cheering us on. Join the movement. Join the pioneers. :Never lose sight of where you are headed" and you can "put up with anything along the way". Lay down your questions and complexities, find fulfillment at the cross, and surrender your five loaves and two little fish so that you, too, can experience the daily reality of God's miracle of multiplication.
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