Just To Be With You

I can't believe how fast ten days can go, and I can't believe how much ten days can hold. 

My entire family - dad, mom, and little sister (affectionately now called "petite soeur") - landed in Burkina Faso on June 27 and then left on July 7. I didn't blog while they were here, mainly because I didn't have time but also because I gave myself the permission not to. While they were here, I wanted to be with them every moment and not waste a single minute doing anything else. 

Now as I sit in my empty room, I miss their suitcases that I would trip over. I miss having three other people sleeping in the room with me and talking me to sleep. I miss how they flooded the bathroom every night because the shower curtain situation is tedious. And I'm trying to process and put into words how much their trip meant to me. How much they mean to me. 

I could write about how dad used his gift of study and teaching to host a two-day seminar for church leaders on the book of Revelation, which he has been studying and teaching in Bible Study Fellowship International throughout this past year. 

I could also write about how he used his gift of engenineering and handiwork to repair everything that has ever broken...which was a lot of things...and how he painted and built shelves in my soon-to-be new house. 

I could write about how mom used her gift of teaching and her passion for studying God's word to teach the five African ladies on our national team how to have a personal quiet time, which they call "personal worship", and how to prepare a message to share with a group. 

I could also write about how she used her gift of service to wash dishes and clean up around my place and the Richter's house even when she wasn't asked. 

Then I could write about my sister and how she used her gift of loving children to take notice of the unnoticed and play with them or entertain them with rocks and made-up games. 

I could even write about her gift of funniness and how she kept me laughing when sometimes I just wanted to cry. 

I could write about how God sent them at just the right time to be the family I needed during a season when I felt like I didn't belong. I could write about how they comforted me when I was sad and counseled me when I didn't know what to do. I could write about how they strengthened me and renewed me at a time when I was very tired and needy. 

But there is one moment of their trip that stands out even above all those other things. 

One evening we were sitting in my room before going to bed, and I was discouraged because I miss them so much and their trip was too short and I felt like their trip wasn't matching up to the expectations I had placed in my mind. I wanted their trip to be absolutely perfect - I wanted them to see all of our ministries, share in every aspect of my African life, and yet still have quiet times to just be with one another without having anything to do. But time was just too short to do it all, and so I expressed my disappointed to them. 

"Ashli, we just came here just to be with you," they responded. "That's all we want to do because we love you." 

Here I was, trying to take them everywhere, do everything, and please them in every way, which made me fret when it wasn't all going like I had hoped. 

And they were perfectly content just to be with me. 

Well if I wasn't crying before, I was really weeping now because their love showed me something more.

Oh how I do the same thing with he Lord. I seek and I strive to please him in every way with my works. I go from here and there to everywhere trying to be perfect for him, and then when I feel like I'm not doing enough, he whispers in my ear, "Ashli, I just want to be with you. I'm happy just to be with you." 

A wave of relief sweeps over me when I realize that you don't have to entertain God with your good works, just like I didn't have to entertain my family. You don't have to prove anything to them or to him, because they love you. He loves you. And that is just simply enough.